Q During my late elementary school years and throughout middle school, I participated in acting and theatre for which I displayed a natural, much-enjoyed acting talent.
I even secured a “special role” in my middle school’s musical. However, my acting enthusiasm waned after my high school freshman year, due to specific reasons.
I’m now mid-20s, longing to rekindle my passion for acting. Yet I’m plagued by doubts regarding this beloved pursuit. However, if I re-engage with acting, it’d be for personal enjoyment, not seeking fame.
Is it a prudent choice to revive my involvement in acting, or should I leave it as a cherished past memory?
Return to the stage
A I can identify with your dilemma, even without your personal reasons. I, too, loved being on stage in my early teens in middle school, and having a starring role in a citywide contest for the best high school play that year. (We didn’t win).
Still, I cherished the joy of performing and the casts’ camaraderie.
Whatever “dampened” your enthusiasm was very hurtful. Typically, during middle and high school where personal achievement is seen by others as showing off, some people “put down” anyone in the limelight.
That’s on them, not you. It can happen through jealousy or a nasty comment from someone you’d previously liked a lot. But that was then, and this is now. You’re older and you know yourself better.
Today, you can freely and proudly rekindle your passion for acting. Old doubts don’t apply and must be forgotten. Your own “personal enjoyment” is the very best reason.
Reader’s Commentary: Regarding being “Done Dancing” (Oct. 16):
“I wished someone would have told me years ago to ‘never stop dancing.’ I just worked and looked after my kids, I rarely dated, because raising them was the most important task. I didn’t even want to have kids’ sleepovers.
“Sometimes, a new man came and went. But I felt my kids were more important. Also, my career took off while my kids grew older, and it all worked well.”
Ellie: Your point, that family comes first, worked for you and your children. But now focus on you. Go dancing.
Q I’ve been in a four-year long-distance relationship (U.S./Canada). We met online and clicked over similar beliefs, lifestyle and vision. I’d move to him but he has long-term issues with his parents.
They came to the U.S. years ago to help with his sister’s daughter. They have a home in their country and I was told they’ll return there.
They’re argumentative with his sister, don’t approve of me and stayed at my partner’s home, which prevented me from visiting him because of his mom’s argumentative nature.
His parents are elderly with health issues. They may have to sell their home and settle near one of the children, likely my partner.
I’ve learned that long-distance relationships are a lot of work and the long distance shouldn’t last too long. I love him, but I don’t think I can handle any longer focusing on us coming together because the parental issues must be resolved.
I feel it’s time he settles his parents before our relationship has a chance. I don’t know how to end it because it’s so painful, or whether to stay in touch and how.
Need advice
A Focus first on the relationship between you two and then, regarding the issues of settling his parents. Discuss what he feels is realistic. Respond with what you can or cannot handle.
From there, consider counselling if you both agree to try it. If not, take a break from the situation (and, inevitably, from each other) to reassess. Time can heal if you both stay open-minded.
Reader’s Commentary Regarding “Daters with Requirements” (Oct. 20):
“I had a friend who judged men based on shoes, their car model, etc. She’d pass on a guy in an expensive sports car because she declared it was ‘tacky,’ and she shunned another person for wearing a necklace which she also didn’t like.
“This brilliant, savvy woman would spend thousands looking fabulous, and remained unmarried. She believed standards were important because she ‘deserved’ the best.
“I asked my then very young kids what they wanted in a spouse. They listed ‘kind and smart.’ Over time, as they got older, ‘funny’ was added, and sadly, ‘can she be pretty?’ was added by my son. I told him she’d be beautiful in his eyes.
“Even today, ‘smart, funny, kind’ is their mantra. ‘Funny’ now means ‘at least laughs at the same things I do.’”
Ellie’s tip of the day: Don’t give up a special talent or activity that you enjoy, and be proud of your own accomplishments.
